6 Lessons from a Double-Duty, First-Time Dad

Special guest post by Joey White, who blogs at http://widewhite.blogspot.com/.

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Last week, Andrew posted 3 tips from his first week as a dad.

It made me reflect on the 6.5 weeks under my belt. Being the oldest of 11, I’m no stranger to infants. But I’ve never dealt with twins or been a father, so in many ways this is all completely new.

Here are a few thoughts from my experience so far.

1. If you’re an introvert, twins are not for you! My wife noted this yesterday as we were stopped again (and again and again…) by someone fawning over the kids or relaying their story of having twins or knowing someone who has twins. This happens EVERYWHERE we go with them! At times, I hear an, “Aww, look at the twins!” and I just keep walking. There just isn’t time to stop and respond to each one. Twins don’t double the attention you attract in public; I’m convinced they quadruple it at a minimum!

2. It’s okay to do things with your kids you formerly thought you’d NEVER do. For example, I thought it was “against the rules” to sleep with your kid (SIDS, smothering, etc.). I learned that when it’s 4:00 AM, you had 3 hours of sleep the night before, and a child who just ate and has a clean diaper is still crying when you lay them in their crib because they really just want to be held, you hold them. And because you’re utterly exhausted, you hold them in bed. And you fall asleep, and so do they, and they sleep longer with you than in their crib, and you both wake up much happier. (And yes, there are ways to hold them – on your shoulder is a start – without risking smothering them.)

3. 90% of the gadgets at Babies R Us won’t work on your kid. 10% will. Your mission is to find that 10%. Carson likes the swing and pacifier. Keira doesn’t hate them, but doesn’t respond as well. Neither does well with the bouncers (being bounced on Daddy’s knees is much better). I haven’t found the mobile or light/white-noise-maker to be real effective, though they aren’t completely useless. The bottom line is you (or your friends and family at your baby showers) will spend a lot of money if you want to and will be maddened at how little of what you buy actually works. Which brings me to my next point…

4. 90% of what does work on your kid, you really don’t need anyway. This counts for the smallest and most seemingly essential of items. Take pacifiers, for example. Carson sucks my finger to the bone. This is especially important for the expensive items. Take baby monitors, which run well over $100 for the nicer ones. We don’t own one and don’t plan to. Unless you’re in a large house or go outside while your kid is asleep, you don’t need it. People survived for thousands of years without plastic and believe it or not, you can too!

And for those items you decide you can’t do without, you typically can’t use them for more than 1-3 years anyway, so whatever you do, utilize Craigslist! (Our nursery is 100% Craigslist and came from 4 different sources – 2 cribs, a dresser, a dresser/hutch/changing table, and a glider/ottoman, all of which match and cost less than what the glider/ottoman would have cost brand new alone.)

5. Just because it worked for your kid does not mean it will work for mine. And vice versa. Advice is great – after all, I’m giving advice right now. But all advice is just that. There’s very little about raising a child that is absolute. I have tremendous appreciation for this with twins, as I’m constantly amazed at how phenomenally different my children are. If two kids with the same parents and such similar genes are so different, how much more different are my kids from my friends’ kids? Give and take advice with a grain of salt and don’t be too upset when the latest solution you give or take fails to work.

6. There is no greater joy on earth than being a parent! You’re hopefully at a place of increased maturity with your spouse so that your love for one another is deeper than ever, and now you add a child (or two or three). That helpless child needs and trusts you 100% in a way that nobody – not even your spouse – ever has. A sense of independence is lost, but there’s a new sense of completion as you see your life come full circle in many ways.

I still have much to learn, reflect on, and pass along. Perhaps some of these feelings will dissipate with time. But for now, I’m relishing every minute of my new life as a dad.